ah, state fair, how i missed thee. actually, considering i haven’t been to the minnesota state fair in 8 years i don’t remember much to miss! the last time i went was way back when dan and i had first started dating. he still ate meat, an “opportunivore” as i named him, and i was still a dairy eating veg-head with flaming red short hair. memories. the state fair is what it is, a chance for people watching at it’s finest while consuming anything and everything fried, on a stick, in your hands or any combination thereof. if there was anything i could miss (besides cheese curds) it would be those gigantic ears of roasted corn dunked in a tub of butter (salt shakers hanging from clotheslines), and eating them while counting mullets walk by dan patch ave. while i was feeling nostalgic for corn, the hubby and i caught part of an episode of “man v. food”, the show where the guy faces eating challenges for the sake of, well, eating. anywho, he was in south carolina and he was at this restaurant that served fried chicken on a biscuit with caramelized onions and cheese and i found myself wanting to eat something, anything, fried on a biscuit. in our house on sundays it’s tradition to eat something “crap-tastic” since i keep junk to a minimum during the week (and it makes for good gym motivation). so for this sunday, as an ode to the great minnesota get together, and an ode to my love of crap thats fried, i give you:
Holy Shit its Fried Ch***en on a Biscuit with Roasted Sweet Corn! (you can sub your own “un” word if you want)
start by removing half the leaves from 4 large ears of sweet corn, peeling back the remainder to remove the silk. once the silk has been removed carefully close the leaves back up and place in a sink filled with cool water. let these hang out while you make the biscuits.
2 c all purpose flour
1/4 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
6 tbs chilled earth balance, cut into small cubes
3/4 c milk alternative mixed with a scant TBS cider vinegar
crank the oven to 450
mix the dry ingredients in a bowl, or in the bowl of your food processor (preffered)
“cut” the margarine into the flour with a fork, wide wire whisk or with the food processor. using the processor will keep the margarine colder, and that’s the goal. pulse 2-5 times or cut until the flour looks like coarse sand. add your “buttermilk” and mix with just a few quick strokes until just mixed. do not overmix! let this rest for just a minute while your flour up your countertop. turn the dough out and pat into a rectangle that is 3/4″ thick. do not knead or use your rolling pin! to much gluten stimulation! these are lazy biscuits, tasty lazy biscuits! decide if you want perfect biscuits or purpose serving biscuits. if you want em purdy, get out your 3″ biscuit cutter and cut out 4-6 biscuits. if you hate to waste the first turn of the dough (once you knead the scraps together they suck) cut the dough into 6 rectagles. place on a cookie sheet with the edges almost touching. bake 12 minutes, or until pale gold and keep covered while you fry your brains out!
Roasted Sweet Corn
now that the biscuits are out, crank the oven up to 500 degrees. remove corn from the sink and shake off. wrap lightly in foil and toss onto the bottom rack of your oven and set a timer for ten minutes. start on your fried ch***en
find 4 cutlets (veganomicon) or 4 slabs tofu, or seitan
1 1/2 c flour
1 tsp salt and pepper
3 tsp paprika
2 tsp garlic powder
en-r-g egg substitute equal to 2 eggs, or use 1 tbs cornstarch in 1/4 c water*
1/2 c almond (soy rice whatev) milk
2 tbs lemon juice
add lemon juice to milk alternative an set aside
mix the flour through the garlic powder in a shallow bowl or pie plate, set aside
in another shallow pan/plate mix the “buttermilk” with your egg substitute
place a heavy bottomed (cast iron preferred) skillet over medium high heat and fill with about an inch of vegetable oil
now for the fun part! dedicate your left hand for the wet stuff, right for the dry, ok? take your left hand and pat a cutlet in the buttermilk mixture until coated and drop into the dry pan. take your right hand and scoop flour on top of the cutlet and make sure its comletely coated. pick it up with the right hand and drop it back into the wet bowl. use your left hand again to quickly re-moisten the cutlet and drop it back into the dry pan. again, use your right hand to thouroughy coat the peice with flour and this time, carefully place it in the hot oil. make sure the oil bubbles up for a drop of batter first. repeat with the three other cutlets, being carefull not too over crowd the pan. if your corn timer has beeped, turn the corn over and set the timer for another ten minutes. this would be the best time to start sauteeing some onions and cutting up some soy cheeze if you’re into that stuff. fry the cutlets on each side until a deep golden brown and drain on a cooling rack.
assembly time! split a hot biscuit, add some onions, a cutlet and some soy cheeze (if you dare) grab some hot corn from the oven, rub it down with some earth balance and dress it up with salt and anything else you like. sit back with a beer and marvel at the 9$ plus parking you saved by staying home and watching your neighbors do random crap. its fun!
*this is something i didn’t do, but think may work so experiment carefully
fuck the fair, this is all the petting zoo i need!
hubby preps the onions
tell your thighs to STFU!
ok, 5 million pics later….
i has a food baby, her name is scrumtrelescent cortez
its the perfect combination of salty, sweet, crispy dough-y wonder….